I Get to Fail Tonight

I have a show tonight which means my brain is currently trying to plan for an improv show. It won't be successful. I get to thinking about the pattern game open to maybe the first beat I'll be a part of and then realize that I don't even know what the get will be let alone the premise we'll generate from the opener.

Instead, what I can do is prepare myself for what I can control. When I am backstage before going out, try to name at least five things I can smell, touch, hear, and see. When we're announced, walk out with confidence. Smile and wave. Look at the clock on the back wall and note the time. When I stand with my teammates on stage, look at them and believe that they are great teammates who have the best ideas and we're going to have a great show. Try to remind myself about both those things after the fourth premise. Get the get or hear the word. Repeat it. A to C. Fun playable premises. The show is the show. It'll go faster than I think. Check the clock. Play game. Support.

One of the scary things about sobriety is that it's a binary condition: sober or not. On or off the wagon. There was a fear I had that my perfectionism would lead me to slide back into relapse in a snowballing one thing leads to another kind of way. One mistake leads to another. This is my brain. Catastrophize until you win the failure lottery. It would be easier if I didn't care, if I didn't try. In fact, my ambition made things worse. I wanted to do things and I liked doing things. At times I felt I needed to risk failure and humiliation, and that put me in situations where I failed and was humiliated—often imagining and magnifying those concepts and emotions.

This is all by way of saying that I signed up for a comedy pilot writing class at UCB this fall because this is something I want to do. More importantly, between improv and the work I have done on my recovery I realized this morning that I am excited to fail. I am excited to be challenged. I am excited to grow. I'm sure I'll still get those jitters before we workshop my writing in class, but improv and the Sketch 101 class reminded me that I'm good at this and I am capable of getting better at this. I just need the reps.

Premise

Some stray thoughts on premise. In the UCB manual, premise is defined as: [T]he term used to describe a fully-formed comedic idea found in an opening that strongly suggests a Game. — Besser, Roberts, and Walsh, The Upright Citizens Brigade Comedy Improvisation Manual, p. 94 I don't

If, Then - Part 1

I am having ongoing technical woes this month, all unrelated to each other. Currently I've been without home internet for 14 hours, which makes pulling together a post challenging. I've been rewatching this set from The Smokes. I love how the game develops during the second

A photo in black and white. A young African-American boy's weight and height are recorded by a twenty-something African-American nurse. The boy is shoeless aThe era appears to be the 1940s.

Heightening - Part 1

Using the excuse of my laptop being blown up and off at a repair site to continue my series on the building blocks of improv. I have been fortunate to be able to take some classes online and in person with Will Hines. During my first class, I asked a

What Improv Is Teaching Me About Writing

A Brief History of Writing I've been open about who I am on the internet, so I might as well say that this is me. This is the closest I've come to doing what I wanted to do for a living. In 2006, somehow TWENTY YEARS

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Premise

If, Then - Part 1

Heightening - Part 1

What Improv Is Teaching Me About Writing